I can't tell if I'm improving.

I read over my list of things that I said I needed to change and I honestly can't really tell if I'm improving. I guess you could say I sort of am, cause I have accomplished or at least started working on some of those things, but there's other things that are still present in my life that I definitely need to change drastically. Ok, let's start on a positive note - it'll make me feel better about myself. I have read 2 books since I posted last, and my first goal was to start reading more again. I'm working on my third book (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy), and I'm ordering some books from a series I want to read soon (though I shouldn't because I'm poor). One thing I think I should do about this goal is try to focus on books that I own, specifically some of the classics, and "greats". I have a ton of them and I've hardly read any of them. Books like Frankenstein, Tom Sawyer (I've read Huck Finn!), Catch 22, Oliver Twist, and just a whole slew of others that are all incredibly famous for how spectacular they are supposed to be and I've had them sitting on my shelf just being neglected for so long. I'm missing out on these great works of literature that are right at my fingertips - I think there's something wrong with that. Maybe I should start a blog about the books I read? Like a sister blog to this one (which has no readers anyway, but what the heck). I might do that...it'll give me motivation haha. What else have I been doing that's an improvement...let's see. I've gone out a bit more. I went skating with Brandon on Wednesday (this was kind of a date...I'll explain!), then I hung out with Scott on Friday night (saw "I Am Number Four" which I really liked), which was also supposed to be a date (in his mind) but for me it more or less ended up being a hang out with a guy that was just really incredibly annoying. Saturday I went bowling with Morgan, Donnie and Kirk and another guy I was gonna go on a date with was gonna come but he bailed. It was alright though, had fun bowling until Morgan started to get bored and then it was sort of causing everyone's energy to drain a little. We went to Ian and Erin's place after and chilled and just got like super baked watching Drillbit Taylor and Anchorman. It was a pretty good night in the end. I went home (with a stop at Sobeys for munchies of course haha) around 3 or 4am I think. Then today I hung out with Andrew, who's the guy that I was supposed to go out with on Saturday night. This is what I think I would consider my first real date ever. He picked me up, we went out for dinner, he paid, we talked and got along really well actually. He OPENED MY CAR DOOR FOR ME constantly (this was a wow factor - it was just so polite!) and then he was gonna pay for the movie we saw (Just Go With It - I liked it!) but I had a free one through Scene so I got him out of that. I donno, I really had a good time and he's definitely a decent cute guy. I could see it happening maybe. Ok ok, I'm off topic. Things I'm doing that are more positive lately...my room! It's much cleaner than it's been in a while. I'm going through old clothes right now trying to get rid of some so that'll get it even more organized soon. I haven't been doing Yoga, but I have hit up the treadmill a couple times, so that's active! I also haven't played black ops a lot lately. I donno, it's definitely a start right? I'm getting things done slowly!

The problem that I am having is that I'm bored I think. I don't know what I wanna do with my life, I'm not dating anyone (well not yet really), my friends never go out, all I can do at home is like...watch tv? I donno. I have nothing to get up in the morning for and this is causing me to sleep a lot. Way too much. I think there was a day last week where I just didn't get out of bed. It was pretty sad. I was awake and like, watched a movie at some point maybe, but I just slept on and off all day because I was just in the most blah mood ever and had absolutely no drive. I also hardly eat anything. I think my stomach is the size of a pea now. I don't even bother ordering large meals when I go out cause I can barely finish ones without getting sides or anything. It's helping me lose weight I suppose but definitely not in a healthy way. Another thing I should fix.

Ok. So my new revised list of short-term goals (I like short-term goals better than long-term. The feeling of accomplishment is nice).

1. Read more of the books from my personal library with a specific focus on the classics and those considered important in literature.
2. Do yoga and be more active in general
3. Go snowboarding more in the very near future
4. Get the rest of my stuff organized and thrown out or whatever is I'm doing with it
5. Finish resume and decide if I'm going back to Banff or not.
6. Whether or not I'm going back to Banff permanently, I'm going to visit, so plan this.
7. Plan some sort of basis for a novel and possibly begin writing it.
8. Continue to keep my room decent-looking.
9. Get out of bed more often.
10. Figure things out about these boys and whether or not I'm gonna see one regularly.
11. Maybe start a book blog?

I like that list. It's pretty concrete. It gives a good wide range of things to work on and at the same time the goals are pretty easy to attain and realistic. I'm quite happy with it. Anyway, I'm going to fall asleep to the wonderful stunts of James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie in Wanted and write about these boys in a post tomorrow maybe. I definitely need to write about them soon.

What the hell am I doing with my life.

I've spent the last month sitting on my ass at home in Ontario all safe and sound doing shit all. I don't even work right now. I had two jobs in Banff that I left to come back here to visit my family and when one wouldn't take me back on, I could no longer live in the staff housing so I can't go back to Banff right now. I need to get my resume done and apply to some hotels or something and get myself back there but I just keep putting it off and it's honestly pathetic. I've also royally screwed up my entire circadium rhythm. I've been up until like 8am a lot of mornings and then sleeping all day and getting up around 4 or 5pm. It's very strange and I'm not entirely sure how I managed to let it happen but it's annoying. The only thing that I'm genuinely proud of myself for having done recently is reading a book. This may not seem like a big deal but to me it's monumental. I was a ridiculously avid reader for years and I stopped when Jeff and I started dating because I was so focussed on having him in my life that I just didn't really care for anything else. After we broke up I think I maybe read one or two books (while I was in Banff) but I just never got back into it for some reason. Today I wasn't doing much of anything so I picked up Sloppy Firsts from my shelf which I started ages ago and never got past the first quarter and I finished the damn thing. Finally. I read a book again. There are a lot of things I've been doing that I used to do before I entered the world of being too focussed on guys to give a shit about anything else. It's been refreshing. The last couple weeks haven't been so great though. I've been way too lazy. My life has consisted of this:

1. Call of Duty: Black Ops. - I finally hit level 50 and might prestige soon if I feel like giving up all my weapons
2. Netflix - I watched all of 18 to Life and Being Erica (3 seasons) and way too many movies to count
3. Facebook
4. Stumbleupon
5. Reorganizing my bedroom/possessions (which is actually healthy cause I'm getting rid of things I don't need and that's good for me)
6. A super relaxing bubble bath with either a book or a movie to watch almost every other day
7. Stumbleupon
8. www.ch131.com
9. Monday nights at Sin City with Parker Vito and Wingett
10. Playing with my dog

Yep. Thats about all my life has consisted of lately. Most of it is spent in either pj's or track pants with air-dried hair and no makeup on. Very sad. I should go get a tan or something. Or spend an hour at Chapters. I might do that tomorrow.

So based on my list of things that I have been doing lately. I think it's only appropriate to make a list of things that I want to start doing more frequently or continue doing because I really need to get my life sorted out and whatnot and now is the best time to start is it not?

1. Reading more. I really should focus on some of the classics since I'm going to need them for school but for now I want to get started on Second Helpings and this book I heard about called Across the Universe (nothing to do with the movie) that sounds really interesting.
2. Writing more. I'm starting with this. But one thing I've always wanted to try is writing a novel or short stories or something of that nature. I have to start somewhere though so here is good for now.
3. Physical Activity. I barely leave my house anymore. I use the treadmill once in a while or snowboard once in a while but that's about it so I need to start amping it up a bit, which leads me to...
4. Do yoga. I've always wanted to so I'm going to.
5. Finish my resume and send out some to places in Banff. I'm not even sure if Banff is the right place for me anymore but it doesn't feel like Peterborough is so I don't know where else to go.
6. Finish organizing and getting rid of all my crap. I keep stopping and not starting back up for days. I have a LOT of stuff and I don't need it at all.
7. Keep my room clean. I'm sick of walking on clothes. Doesn't it always feel better when the room you're in is organized and nice-looking? It makes me feel better.
8. Be more positive. I've been such a downer lately it's depressing. I need to fix my attitude and get happy again and stop allowing something that happened ages ago to still have negative affects on me.

I might add to that list eventually, but it's a good starting point at the very least. So here's to getting perspective and trying to fix one's life! Let's hope it all works out at some point in time.